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[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Soundarden---"Fresh Tendrils" ]

I'm going to try to get this complete in less than an hour, so don't expect elegantly written prose that's meant to win an award. But it is a bit lengthy, so get comfortable . . . and I will try to be as concise is possible.

Where have I been lately---online, anyway? Mostly, I've been on Facebook. Though Facebook messes with my computer and may yet be the end of my computer, it has more than compensated for this by allowing me to connect with classmates, relatives, co-workers and people from all over the world. I am as addicted to one of its applications---"Mafia Wars", by Zynga---as much as I have ever been addicted to anything that's inconsequential. Also, "Pirates" by Zynga has attracted much of my free time attention. I've pretty much stopped doing the other applications because there simply isn't enough time in the day, and I have a full plate of real-life responsibilities.

The last few months were very difficult on my family, mostly because of finances (or lack thereof) but were by no measure as difficult as some of the hardships we experienced in 2007-8. Worries and concerns completely sapped my creative strength. Those of you who do know me well, do realize this creative aspect is a big part of what keeps me going and helps me through most difficult times. I've long since stopped fretting over the social impact. So I'm a 35 year old guy who draws pictures of anthropomorphic dragons simply for the sheer fun of drawing pictures of anthropomorphic dragons. So what? As long as my wife and son support me emotionally and personally, I have no reason in the world to abandon that creative drive, though there were plenty of times (especially in the late winter and early spring) when I considered abandoning all the writing, all the artwork, and simply dedicating myself to the here-and-now and planning for a tangible, rational, no-nonsense future. The art flow just wasn't happening. I'd be sitting there on work break trying to draw a referenced pic of a Hindu priest for a co-worker, and having it come out terribly. By contrast, in the past stuff had gone straight from my imagination to the paper, using my pen as a conduit, whether referenced or not. See, as much as I do OK in the real world, I have always ALWAYS needed pure, unenhanced creativity and imagination to help me along. I do not drink alcohol (except at wedding and funeral receptions), I do not do any kind of illegal drugs, and though I fully support its legalization I refuse to try marijuana. Some people misconstrue my output (and personality) for someone who's teetering on the edge of sanity, or way off the cliff, but if they do then that's their problem. I always have been a bit "different", a bit "eccentric" but when push comes to shove I can take care of myself, the ones I love and those I care about, thank you very much. Long story short? Though not all the money-related problems are resolved, and raises have been suspended at work, I'm back to the artwork again, though I've yet to finish anything since I shook off the rusty chains. The icon for the LiveJournal entry is new progress on a drawing I'd suspended for months.

This brings me to work. I am still a "Full" Floor Supervisor at Foxwoods, on Swing shift (which is generally 8 PM to 4 AM). For me, anyway, work is fine. There are the inevitable conflicts and drama at work, but I try to keep these at arms' length. This recession has proven casinos are not immune to its effects, and I do realize we all need to pull together as a TEAM to help offset the effects of this recession. Yes, I'm a bit grumpy we didn't get our raises in April because that now means Kathy HAS to get a part-time job. A lot of people are quietly (or loudly) very pissed about that. I just wish everyone would see the bigger picture---that national unemployment rate has really spiked. Me? I am happy to have a job, and though there seems to be more disgruntled, miserable employees at Foxwoods than ever before, I intend to keep doing what I can to make a difference, within realistic parameters. I can see Foxwoods is TRYING to make things better with promotions and gimmicks they wouldn't have thought of ever doing a few years ago (hosting the Phantom Gourmet, hosting the "Bodies" exhibit, the Rolling Chip program that went over like a lead balloon, etc). They are demanding ever more things out of the employees, which I'm personally comfortable with, since I am up to the challenges of upgrading the customer experience property-wide. I also have faith this will be highly rewarding in the long term. The biggest problem? Again, all of the previously mentioned, disgruntled and miserable employees. The ever-present (as it is at pretty much every large workplace), usually avoidable "snakepit" has been overflowing, of late. I really hope management realizes just as you can't draw water from a rock, you can't motivate those unmotivated employees (a rather significant minority!) without giving them something rock-solid and lasting to spur that motivation. Management won't have that problem with me. My current concern (other than continually trying to improve service and to be a good co-worker) is trying to get all the tiers of the Dream Rewards cards straight. I can and do memorize numbers, but there's a reason why I wouldn't make it as an actor. . . I'd flub all the lines. Memorization was never my best ability, not by a long shot. But I'll get it straight, just as I'll try to improve upon a sub-par (by my standards) past two weeks at work. I do need a vacation because I'm starting to feel a bit worn-out at the edges, but the timing isn't right just yet.

Patrick is just about finished with fourth grade. (Yes, the school year in this part of the USA makes no sense: it starts too late, and it ends way WAY too late.) He made a lot of strides in his social skills and is far better-off in that regard, than I was when I was his age. He has really become a bookworm, much as I was when I was his age. Given the time and money, I would so definitely reward him---not by spoiling him, which is a horrible idea for any child, but by doing something truly memorable and worthwhile. I can't think of it yet. But it will come, and when it does I will act upon it accordingly.

Kathy has made dramatic steps to improve her well-being and overall health. She's lost more than 50 pounds over the winter, and has made such a turnaround that I'm a bit overwhelmed. She is eating far better than she was, she is exercising, and she is (most important) having a more positive, upbeat outlook than she has had in a very long time. She is looking for a part-time job on her own initiative, and though she lacks marketable skills and has yet to land that job, she hasn't given up. and neither have I! The impact on our relationship has been profound, and I'm really itching to go on a "second honeymoon" though we're mired in debt and feel guilty every time we see a movie or get fast food. Just her well-being has made a huge difference in the overall family mood, and I'm still getting adjusted to this positivity that simply wasn't there six months ago.

My self-imposed time limit is just about up . . . if anybody wants me to elaborate in future posts, let me know and I will do so without getting TOO personal. And I'll mention that now even Kathy is bugging me about doing something to get that first novel published. Who am I to deny her, especially since her overall attitude has become so assertive and sexy, of late?

Something more polished and in detail might follow, if there is sufficient interest. OK, time's up and I'm now done, except for spell-checking. Otherwise, no rewrites!